Bill Hicks is one of the best, most brilliant comedians who ever lived. His shows are meaningful, profund and scary, sort of like diving into the Mariana Trench. It’s cool, but you’ll probably get eaten by an underwater jelly monster.
Hundreds of quotes which were said by Bill live on to this day, thanks to his many show recordings. I’m going to attempt to crystalize all of them into a small, readable number.
If you want to find out more about Bill, check out this article: Bill Hicks – Life is just a ride.
1 “Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.”
2 “I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.”
3 “It’s all about money, not freedom, ya’ll, okay? Nothing to do with fuckin’ freedom. If you think you’re free, try going somewhere without fucking money, okay?”
4 “Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.”
5 “We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”
6 “I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.”
7 “Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.”
8 “Lots of Christians wear crosses around their necks … you really think when Jesus comes back, he ever wants to see a fucking cross?”
9 “I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.”
10 “Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?”
11 “I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.”
12 “I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.”
13 “When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.”
14 “Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.”
15 “It’s great to be here. I thank you. Ah, I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time.”
16 “They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer”
17 “Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.”
18 “If you don’t think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD’s and burn them.”
19 “I’m a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.”
